i have successfully retreated into myself. why ? because im a flaming idiot. this whole wanting to cry, having a lump in my throat sucks. i need a sanctuary. i need my mind to quiet. i need to quit beating myself up. i need to stop thinking. i just need to stop. i just … feel like a complete fool. idk. i constantly sacrifice everything, every last piece of myself to garner very little as recompense. i want to feel numb. i just want quiet.